In memoriam

My cousin's boyfriend broke the sad news to me because nobody in the family would dare. They probably thought I'd howl like a banshee. You were long gone, about a couple of weeks, before they told me.

I know we weren't really that close to each other anymore, though I adored you when you were still young and so innocent. We used to take those long walks together. I liked watching your silky brown hair glisten in the sunshine as you ran around... wild and carefree. But I liked the night-time walks even more, because I loved feeling secure and peaceful as I walk with you under the dark sky, gazing at the stars and the moon.

And do you remember your favorite treat that I used to buy. Oh, how you loved them! You always jumped for joy whenever you caught me with the red plastic wrapper. I often wondered how you could sense that I'm coming home with a bag of beef jerkies. You had those beautiful but sad brown eyes, like they've always known these moments won't last.

As time went, we grew apart from each other. You became this mischievous rascal, hard to control and always up for trouble. You delighted in chasing girls, too! You sure have sown a lot of wild oats. And then came the time that I had to leave home, but somehow I knew you never forgot about me after all those years I didn't even visit.

I remember the last time we met. You seemed too shy to come near me, like you're almost afraid. Did you fear admonition from me? Yes, you probably did. And what did I do? I just came over and gave your head a small pat of affection then promptly ignored you for the rest of the time. It never occurred to me how lonely you were because I felt you no longer belong to me. We've lost that connection. And now that you're gone, acknowledging the loss, and the fact that I am to blame, is like a knife cutting and pushing deep in to my chest...

I am so sorry Hugo, for letting go when I should have held on... and now there's nothing left to do but to let go... How can I when there's so much regret? But I know I have to, so you can finally rest in peace.

I love you Hugo. And I will miss your warmth, your loyalty, your company...

Goodbye my friend... my ally... my precious pet...

... I'm keeping your blue collar.